Bullying in preschool: the warning signs, what to say to your child, and how to escalate with a Singapore childcare centre

Bullying in preschool is hurtful behaviour that is repeated, done on purpose and aimed at a child who can't easily defend themselves. MOE draws that line for schools: one-off unkind words or a scuffle are hurtful behaviour, while bullying is persistent and intentional. At three to six, children are still learning how to treat each other, so not every push is bullying, but it should still be stopped. If your child is being bullied, the Families for Life tip sheet from Singapore's Ministry of Social and Family Development says to listen calmly, tell your child it isn't their fault, and talk to the teacher quickly rather than to the other child or their parents. If it doesn't stop, put it in writing, go to the principal, and make a formal complaint; ECDA, which regulates preschools, takes feedback at contact@ecda.gov.sg.

Is it bullying, or something else?

MOE's Schoolbag explains that teachers investigate before calling something bullying, because the word gets used for all kinds of upsets. Our parent-teacher meeting tips cover how to raise a worry with facts and dates. Hurtful behaviour becomes bullying when it carries hostile intent, an imbalance of power, and is repeated and done on purpose.

Warning signs your preschooler is being bullied

Young children often can't put it into words. MOE's lead school counsellor says the most important sign is a sudden change in your child's behaviour. Others to look for:

Ask open questions at a calm moment, such as bath time or the walk home: "Who did you play with today?" "What was the best and worst part of your day?" Asking about the whole day, not only about bullying, keeps the door open.

What to say to your child

The Families for Life tip sheet for children aged 3 to 6 sets out how to talk about it. Some lines that work:

• Listen first: "So what happened next?" "What did you do then?" Give your full attention.
• Stay calm: if you're angry, wait until you're calm before you talk to your child or anyone else.
• Sum it up: "So you were sitting by yourself, and Ryan took your snack and threw it."
• Name the feeling: "No wonder you feel sad about this."
• Take away the blame: "This didn't happen because of anything you did. It's not OK for him to do that."
• Promise action: "I'm going to talk to your teacher so we can help."

Then teach your child a few things to do in the moment. The tip sheet suggests telling the bully to stop, staying near other children, and telling the teacher. MOE's schools teach a simple script, "Stop, I feel sad when you hit me," said firmly, then walking away to a trusted adult. Practise it together, with different tones of voice, so it feels natural.

How to escalate with the preschool

Don't contact the other child or their parents directly; the tip sheet warns it can make things worse. Work through the preschool, step by step.

Stay assertive rather than angry. The tip sheet's example: "Yes, children do tease sometimes. But I don't agree this was just teasing. I think it's more serious." If the bullying goes on and the centre isn't doing enough, the tip sheet says it may be worth moving your child to a preschool with a better record; our preschool directory lists every centre by town, with fees.

If your child is the one hurting others

It happens, and it's fixable at this age. MOE's counsellors say some children haven't yet built the social skills to handle conflict, and that coaching those skills helps. Stay calm, work with the teacher on one plan for home and school, praise kind play, and give your child words for big feelings. Our guide to managing tantrums has calm-down ideas, and if aggression is constant and goes on for months, our guide to oppositional defiant disorder signs explains when to get an assessment.

When to get extra help

• Your child is afraid to go to preschool for weeks, or isn't sleeping or eating well.
• They have injuries, or talk about being hurt by an adult; that's a safeguarding issue to raise with the principal and ECDA straight away.
• Low mood or worry carries on after the bullying has stopped. Ask your GP or polyclinic about support, or the KKH Department of Child Development for younger children.

Frequently asked questions

Is it bullying if my preschooler is hit once?

Not usually. MOE describes one-off incidents as hurtful behaviour; bullying is repeated, deliberate and involves a power imbalance. A one-off hit still needs the teacher's attention.

What are the signs a preschooler is being bullied?

A sudden change in behaviour is the main one, MOE's lead school counsellor says. Look also for unexplained bruises, lost or damaged things, not wanting to go to school, changes in eating or sleep, and losing friends.

Should I talk to the other child's parents?

No. The Families for Life tip sheet warns that contacting the child who bullies, or their parents, can make it worse. Go through the teacher and the principal.

Who do I complain to about a preschool in Singapore?

Start with the teacher, then the principal and the centre's formal complaint process. If you're not satisfied, write to ECDA, which regulates preschools, at contact@ecda.gov.sg.

How do I teach my child to handle a bully?

Practise saying "Stop, I don't like that" firmly, staying near other children, and telling the teacher straight away, as the Families for Life tip sheet and MOE's schools suggest.

Should I move my child to another preschool?

If the bullying continues and the centre isn't doing enough after you've escalated, the Families for Life tip sheet says moving to a preschool with a better record is reasonable.