Talking to kids about scary news: what to say at each age

Talking to kids about scary news goes best when you ask first and keep it short. Find out what your child has heard, then give a few true facts in plain words and tell them they're safe. After that, switch the news off and get back to your usual day. KKH says strong reactions usually ease within about four weeks.

How to talk to your child about scary news, step by step

1. Ask what they've heard, since the AAP says most children will have heard something whatever their age: "What did you hear about the flood?"
2. Turn the news off while your child is around. UNICEF suggests switching it off near younger children, and HealthHub says no TV in the background at all for babies under 18 months.
3. Give a few true facts in plain words and leave out graphic details, as the AAP advises: "A big storm flooded some homes. Some people got hurt, and doctors are looking after them."
4. Tell them they're safe and say where it happened. UNICEF notes that young children may think a disaster on screen is happening close by.
5. Point out the people helping, such as rescuers and doctors. UNICEF suggests this so the story ends with someone doing something.
6. Tell your helper and the grandparents what you said, and agree on the same few words and the same TV rule. KKH's Trauma Network for Children says any caring adult, grandparents included, can help a child cope.
7. Keep meals and bedtime on time, because the same network says predictable routines help a child feel safe again.
8. Leave the door open if your child isn't ready to talk, and tell them you're there when they are. The AAP says to start early and keep the talk going.
9. Look after your own feelings, because children pick up on how you react, UNICEF says. Read updates and talk with other adults out of your child's hearing.

What to say at each age

Younger children need fewer words and more comfort. The AAP says even the youngest child needs accurate facts, just not graphic ones, and that a child with a developmental delay should hear words that fit their developmental level rather than their age. For them, start with less detail and add more as they ask. UNICEF also suggests not raising it just before bedtime.

For a school-age child, UNICEF suggests explaining that some things online aren't true, and showing them where to find reliable news. You don't need every answer, and UNICEF says that's fine. Looking it up together is a good habit for both of you.

How to keep the news low at home

The AAP says it's best for children to hear about a crisis from a parent or caregiver, not from another child, the media or talk they overhear. In a small flat that takes a little planning, because the living room TV, a video on a grandparent's phone or neighbours chatting in the lift can all reach a toddler.

Ask the adults at home to follow the news in another room or with earphones. UNICEF also suggests minding what adults say about it when children can hear, and for babies HealthHub already advises no background TV at all. Our screen time guide has the limits for each age.

If the event is big news, tell your child's preschool teacher what you've said at home so the words match. School-age children often see clips on a friend's phone. The AAP suggests watching the news with them, or previewing a recording first, so you can pause and talk about it. Our guide to internet safety for children covers the online side.

When the scary news is in your own family

A death or an accident in the family needs the same honest start, with more time. Families for Life advises being open and truthful, in words that fit your child's age, because it helps them trust you and come to you for help.

For a death, HealthHub's MindSG pages suggest clear, simple words. Phrases like "passed away" or "gone to sleep" can confuse a young child, who may think the person is missing and will be found. You could compare death to a flower that has wilted and stopped growing, or say the body has stopped moving and can't be fixed. When you don't know an answer, MindSG says it's okay to tell them so.

The Trauma Network for Children says children who can't put feelings into words often show them through behaviour. MindSG notes a child may not cry at all, and suggests drawing or scrapbooking as an outlet. Families for Life says showing your own sadness in age-appropriate ways is fine, but keep the strongest moments for time with your own support. Tell your child what happens next, such as a hospital visit or the wake, so nothing comes as a surprise.

After an accident, KKH's Psychosocial Trauma Support Service screens children admitted with an accidental injury for traumatic stress. KKH also says people can be affected just by learning a loved one was hurt, so a sibling who wasn't there may need support too.

What you might see in the weeks after

A child may react even when you've handled things well. The AAP lists sleep problems and nightmares, tummy aches or headaches, acting younger than their age, and clinginess in a child who used to separate easily. KKH says these are normal responses to an abnormal situation, and they usually ease after about four weeks.

What helps most is more comfort and the usual routine. The Trauma Network for Children says the younger the child, the more they need an adult to help them calm down, by holding them and naming the feeling. "You're scared. I'm right here." If bedtimes have slipped, our kids bedtime calculator helps you reset them, and our guide to toddler tantrums has calm ways to respond if meltdowns flare up.

When to get help

Talk to a professional if you notice any of these:

• Strong fear, sleep trouble or behaviour changes still there four weeks after the event (KKH).
• Reactions bad enough to get in the way of daily life at any point, such as not eating or refusing school (Trauma Network for Children, MindSG).
• Grief after a death that is still hard to bear after 6 months, or that disrupts your child's life (MindSG).
• Any talk of wanting to join the person who died, or of hurting themselves. MindSG lists both as reasons to get help, so act on them now. Our helplines guide lists who to call.
• Your own reactions still strong after a month. The Trauma Network for Children says parents may need support too.
• Someone at home is not safe. KKH advises contacting the police or the National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment (NAVH) Helpline.

Start with your GP, polyclinic doctor or paediatrician; our paediatrician map lists clinics near you. KKH says a polyclinic referral gets your child seen at KKH at subsidised rates, and a KKH doctor can refer on to its trauma psychologists, who see children from 3 to below 18. In primary school, the school counsellor is a good first call, since IMH says counsellors can consult its REACH team and refer students to it. Our child mental health guide covers the wider signs and services.

Frequently asked questions

How do I talk to kids about traumatic events?

Ask what they know, give a few true facts and tell them they're safe. KKH's Trauma Network for Children says to listen and explain that it's normal to have many different feelings afterwards. If your child isn't ready, tell them you'll talk whenever they want.

How do I talk to kids about scary news when they're only 3?

Use one or two sentences and stay close. Say what happened, that people are helping and that they're safe, then move on to play. The AAP warns against being too vague, so name the event simply instead of saying "something happened".

What should I say when talking to children about war or disasters?

Say where it is, how far away it is and who is helping. UNICEF suggests avoiding labels like "bad people". If your child asks "Are we going to die?", tell them that won't happen, then ask what they heard so you know what's worrying them.

Should my child watch the news?

Not young children. The AAP advises keeping them away from repeated graphic images and sounds on TV, radio or social media. For older children, it suggests watching together, or previewing a recording first, so you can pause and talk.

Is it okay to cry in front of my child?

Yes. Families for Life says showing your feelings in age-appropriate ways teaches children to understand their own, but suggests saving strong outbursts for private time. You might say, "I'm sad for the people who got hurt. I'm okay, and you're safe."

How long do kids stay upset after scary news?

Often a few weeks. KKH says distress reactions usually ease after about four weeks, and suggests seeing a healthcare professional if they're still strong after that. Grief after a death can take longer; MindSG suggests getting help if it lasts more than 6 months or disrupts daily life.